On Tolerance
People come in all shapes and colours. People’s opinions come in a plethora of differences. People’s wants, needs, and desires come in a multitude of ranges. Yet, many insist on their own version of opinion, of being, or of behaving. Of course, there are societal norms that we abide by publicly, like not running in the street naked – on the other hand, if you’re a nudist it’s totally your call, but you would reserve that nudity to its designated locations.
Being tolerant of others’ ways of being means accepting them as they are even if you don’t conform to their “way”. It means giving people the respect they deserve for being themselves as you also get that respect in return. Being truly tolerant means you stop judging others and realise that to each his own. If there is something or someone you don’t agree with, you could, and should, disconnect yourself from that person or their opinions. Don’t try to change them and don’t be rude about it, just let them be.
However, the line blurs when it comes to your own family and, especially, your children. In the book The Prophet, writer Khalil Gibran describes your children as not being yours but that you are simply a custodian for a while. As a parent, and as hard as this is to comprehend, my understanding of it is that when your children are still a blank slate you get to write on it whatever you want, but once they are old enough and have their own views, you must let it go and let them take their own path in life.
Stop judging others and realise that to each his own.
When they come to you with an opinion or a path you disagree with, you try to change it or guide them to a different path, reasonably without force. But, be honest with yourself and examine whether you’re opposed because it’s one of your hard limits, or because your path led you to this conclusion that doesn’t have to be theirs as well. Accept that at some point, regardless of how much you try, you can’t control them, and you just have to love them for whatever their path led them to be. That’s parenting with tolerance.
Other than with children and direct family, my top advice when it comes to tolerance with friends is that you say your opinion once, and if they disagree or have a different opinion, let them, don’t try to change them and don’t insist on your opinion or way. Be truly open-minded by hearing others and accepting them for who they are. Halt your judgments and remind yourself that everyone has their own circumstance and their own path that led them to where they are now and appreciate those differences in others.
