On Self-Centred Parents

A lot of us grow up with a romanticised notion of our parents whom we idolise and place on a pedestal. At some point that pedestal breaks and our ideals come crashing down with it. We grow up and realise that they’re not as perfect or infallible as our childhood selves believed.

Yet, the worst realisation is when you realise that they are self-centred. This affects you directly as your whole psyche, stability, and esteem come from the fact that you are the star in those two people’s eyes. Learning that they’re not perfect is just a fault on their part, but learning that you aren’t the centre of their universe is a fault that includes you!

The other issue is that this self-centredness manifests in many ways, many of them ugly ways. So, when your parent cares more that he/she is comfortable, your comfort becomes secondary, leading to many, many issues. When the parent cares more that they get their way in life, your life gets affected. So, for example, when you’re sick and need that nurturing touch of a mother and she’s too busy or uncomfortable with sickness generally and doesn’t provide that care, you feel abandoned and disoriented.

It’s also a terrible thing to see in the people we love the most as we’ve always been taught that selfishness is evil. However, being a little selfish is ok, a person must also take into consideration what makes them happy, otherwise they won’t be able to give you happiness, but self-centredness is a lot more than being just a little selfish.

You once thought that you are number one, now you realise that you are merely a supporting actor in their drama

Selfish is when you care about yourself and make sure you get the things you want. Self-centredness, on the other hand, is when you think that the world revolves around you and that every moment is, or should be, about you and only you.

So, when you see that trait in a mother or father, it really hurts. In addition, when you see that trait reflected in all their actions it could leave you feeling cheated.

The problem is that many self-centred parents don’t see it; it has become so ingrained, like in the case of any self-centred person, that their whole vision starts and ends with themselves. This gets reflected in all their actions with you and their entire lives. You once thought that you are number one, now you realise that you are merely a supporting actor in their drama.

So, what should you do about it? First, forget that you can change them or make them realise it. By all means, try a couple of times, but don’t get hung up on it as it rarely ever works. Most importantly, love them and accept them as they are, and remind yourself that you are now a grown person with your own strengths and weaknesses who doesn’t need their parents to shelter them anymore. The sooner you realise that your parents are just human beings, the sooner you’ll face reality and feel better.