On Relationship Dynamics

Relationships are complicated and intricate. Whether it be a romantic, friendly, or familial relationship. Personalities abound and clash and others harmonise. While I see this as a beautiful web to navigate, not everyone feels this way, particularly those caught in bad relationships or friendships. Yet, while these relationships seem so complicated, they could be simplified if only traits like ego, stubbornness, and selfishness were put aside. These and other traits stop you from seeing the web of relationship dynamics as a beautiful art piece to be admired for its delicacy and magnificence. So, putting these aside will help you simplify relationships:

1.  Understand that no one can hurt you but yourself – you can choose to take what the other person says to heart, or you can choose to take it as their opinion or their view stemming from their own experiences and complications. The latter allows you to be free and in control of your reactions and emotions. And, no, you’re not lying to yourself, no matter what the person says or does it is the culmination of their past experiences.

2.  However, also take responsibility for your part in all of it – meaning that you are responsible for your role in everything in life whether you affected it directly or indirectly. Own up to that element and deal with it. Be brutally honest with yourself and analyse your own role in everything and every situation.

If you don’t love who they are as they are, limit your time with them and limit your relationship.

3. Once that’s done, take things coolly and let it go – don’t internalise what’s being said and done, and don’t let it get to you. How? By being very clear that for your part you are going to either change it or keep it as is if that’s what needs to be done. Most importantly, it’s in your hands. And, for their part let it slide as you know they are the ones that need to take action for their own role – don’t carry their weight on your shoulders.

4. Truly accept them for how they are – don’t try to change them because change can only come from within and when a person is convinced to change. It’s a loss of energy and time on your end. If you don’t love who they are as they are, limit your time with them and limit your relationship.

5. But, BE NICE – there’s no excuse to be rude or to say whatever comes to your mind under the guise of being honest. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s not going to kill you to smile at them and be on your merry way.

There are times when this is much easier said than done, especially with close relations like family. But, even with the closest of family, if you take responsibility for your role in the dynamics of the relationship and work on it, and if you take whatever they say lightly and understandingly, you will diffuse even the most explosive of moments and head towards a much more peaceful and loving relationship.