On Playing the Victim

S

o, there’s this friend that got upset from me because I didn’t do enough when she was going through emotional hardships: problems in her marriage and overall depression. I tried and tried to talk to her and listen to her, but she still felt it wasn’t enough. Why? Because I didn’t make the pain go away; I didn’t fix the situations – the marriage and the depression. 

I know what you’re thinking: these are all her own personal demons that nothing external can fix; the work must come from within. I know that, you know that, but she doesn’t. She has completely submitted to the victim mentality that it now consumes her, not only in the big things, but in the tiniest of things – everything in life and in her dealings is an affront against her.

The problem is that she now thinks that she’s entitled to be taken care of all the time, in everything, but she doesn’t realise it. Or maybe she does but chooses to feel entitled because then she will always have a reason to be upset and victimised. 

So how do you realise you’ve fallen prey to your own victim-self? Ask yourself these questions: 

1. Is it really in that other person’s hand to make me feel better by changing the emotions or thoughts inside me? 

Realise that it’s totally up to you how you react and feel in any given situation. Hold the reigns of your emotions, don’t give them to anyone or anything else to steer. Imagine if you were riding a horse, would you just leave the reigns to be held and steered by any passer-by or would you hold it yourself? This is the horse of your emotions, why would you let someone else steer it?

You’re not entitled, you’re blessed to be receiving

2. Ask yourself: Am I really entitled to this help, favour, or action?

Realise that when someone does something for you, it’s a favour; the person is not obliged to do it and you are not entitled to get it. You’d be surprised how often this happens! Be honest with yourself: why are you entitled to the favour or action? Because you would do it in return for them? But, don’t forget that the credit for the act of giving is in the giving itself, it shouldn’t be so you can hold one over that person or so that they would owe you a favour in return. You’re not entitled; you’re blessed to be receiving; keep that in mind. 

Stop being a victim and own your power. It’s easier to play the victim but it’s a miserable existence; one where you’re always being done-to instead of doing. It doesn’t help you; it will just always make you feel down. And lastly, if you think that by being a victim you’re getting people’s sympathy, you’re not! You might get it for a while but, believe me, people always see though it, even if they don’t tell you that they did, and they don’t feel sympathy, they feel pity for you. Why would you want to be a pitiful creature? It’s much better to be loved and respected by people and, most importantly, yourself.