On Being Motherly

The person being accused of not being motherly was me. So, I evaluated all that I do with and for my kids: I spend quality time with them, I support them non-stop, I take care of all their needs, and I love them unconditionally. What I don’t do is that I don’t hover over them – I encourage them to be their own people and to be independent, knowing that I am always there for them when they need me. I don’t enforce my opinions on them – I believe in convincing them with my beliefs but respect theirs when they don’t. And, I don’t force them to do things – I push for stuff like eating healthy, studying, and being good people, but then again I convince them with these things, not really forcing either.  

What it boiled down to was that if you’re not helicoptering over your children, some people view it as not being motherly. However, we were all kids once and hated being forced by our parents to do stuff, and simply did things behind their backs when we were not convinced by what they were saying. I never wanted my children to feel that they can’t come to me and that they must do things behind my back. I always preferred that we have an open dialogue and that they come to me for all their needs, the ones I agree with and the ones I don’t.

What makes a mother motherly? Her unconditional love and support for her children.

It’s like what Kahlil Gibran said: [rephrased] Your children are not yours; you are only the vessel that delivers them into the world and then they become their own people. You can love and teach them, but ultimately, they will be their own people on their own journey.  

The problem these days is that we try to micromanage every aspect of their lives and insist that we know better. Of course, as parents, we do know more, but times change, and they know more about their current era. Even if we know more, we forget that every human has their own journey that they must lead and learn and grow from; just like we did when we were growing up. I’m not saying don’t parent and accept everything they say or do, I’m saying don’t forget to listen to them and convince, not force, them of what you see is right. 

Back to my point: what makes a mother motherly? Her unconditional love and support for her children. It doesn’t make you more motherly if you are the type of mom that hovers over every aspect of their lives. What distinguishes a mother is her mother’s love, regardless of how she shows it. Stop rating and judging how motherly you or others are and just love and support your children.