On Taking Control

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few years ago, a friend was in an abusive, manipulative relationship. I kept telling her that she was enabling her partner to control and abuse her. Years passed without her listening until, one day, she had enough and decided that she would not allow him to continue ruining her life. And guess what? From that day forward, he couldn’t abuse or manipulate her. Her life changed when she simply decided to take control of her life, emotions, and reactions! When you realise the power is in your hands, magic happens, and you see everything differently.

Of course, there are things beyond our control, like the weather, other people, and some circumstances. But, how we react and deal with these things is 100% in our hands. For instance, on a bad weather day, you could easily succumb to it and halt your life, or you can hunker down and work from home, exercise, or do whatever else you need. And in my friend’s case, she couldn’t control how abusive her partner was, but she could control how she dealt with it. The only thing stopping you from taking control is yourself.

So, why do we stop ourselves from taking control? For several reasons, and here’s what to do about them:

The Easy Way Out: You think it’s easier just to let things be or to take the easy way out by not doing what you should, and it is in the short run. But, in the long run, it’s much harder to deal with your lag at work, bad health, or a bad relationship than it is to deal with yourself cowering away from making a stand right now.

Low Self-Esteem or Confidence: You don’t think you’re strong enough to stand up to your partner or boss, you’re not fit enough to workout, or you don’t have the strength or right to be your best self. I assure you, you do! It’s a long journey to battle low esteem, but start today and take the first step towards your better self – use affirmations, do little things for yourself that make you feel better, and battle little tasks that give you little wins that add up to big wins and confidence.

The only thing stopping you from taking control is yourself!

Financial Constraints: Being stuck in a financial rut is a very serious constraint that most feel is out of their hands, hence, powerless to change their lives. It’s the reason many get stuck in jobs they hate or relationships that only provide financial security but nothing else. However, there’s no better time than the time we live in to upgrade our finances. It does take a lot of effort, but it’s very doable to start a side hustle online or offline: you could sell homemade items, sell services like writing or design, or any of the plethora of stuff you can do from home or part-time. If you’re stuck in a job, send out a billion CVs until you get what you want. If it’s a toxic relationship, spend all your free time and effort to make your own income happen to get out of it. It’s not easy, but definitely achievable.

Limiting Beliefs: In the Middle East, we grow up with several limitations; some are so ingrained that we don’t even recognise them. In my friend’s case, the highly patriarchal society taught her, and many other women, that a man is “just being a man”, which made her excuse too many of his behaviours. However, if you know the limitations placed on you by society or yourself, you can start breaking them down. Other limitations, sometimes innocently, embedded in us about our financial abundance or choice of career, are so subtle that you might never realise that you have them. But, through journaling or self-analysis, you can recognise them and shatter them.

Lack of Awareness and Direction: What it all boils down to is this: if you’re not aware of your value, beliefs, limits, and most importantly, your goals and direction, you’ll constantly flap about life blindly and haphazardly. The first step is to be aware: get to know yourself deeply through meditation, analysis, and scrutiny. Get to know what you truly want, love, and desire, and what you don’t. You can’t move forward if you’re not on solid ground with yourself and the direction you want to head in.

It might seem hopeless right now, but with relentless awareness and effort, you’ll take control and hold the reigns of your life and self.