On Unsolicited Advice & Opinions

You’re talking to a friend, you’re excited about something you’re doing or getting, and bam, you get hit with an unsolicited opinion/advice that deflates your enthusiasm and leaves you wondering when you asked for advice! When in the conversation did you seem to be the damsel in distress who doesn’t know what’s what in the world that a friend, an equal and sometimes not even, thought that they know better than you about your own life situation?

We’ve all been there on both the receiving and giving end of the unsolicited advice trap. Yes, it is your opinion about what you’re hearing, but did the other person ask for that opinion? In my humble opinion (pun intended) you’re being arrogant, believing that you know better than the other person and that they need your help, not just someone to listen to them. It might appear that when someone tells us something newsworthy, they are asking for our input, but they’re really not. They are merely excited and informing their friends or loved ones about something that excites them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have chosen to do it, get it, or whatever it is in the first place, let alone share it!

You must pick up on the cues of when your advice is warranted and when it’s not, and it’s not that hard. When a friend asks you what you think, you let them know with all the fervour you harbour, and when they don’t, listen and nod and encourage if you feel it should be encouraged. But, what happens when you think that the friend is making a mistake? I’ve always believed that the best tactic is to first congratulate the news, then later in the conversation, tactfully raise questions about the issue – just don’t go bursting their bubble as soon as they share the news!

We’ve all been there on both the receiving and giving end of the unsolicited advice trap.

I’ll give you a great example: when I told a friend that I’m pregnant for the third time, she congratulated me wholeheartedly. Later, she came to my house to discuss the importance of birth control and not overbreeding, which is her deeply rooted belief. I didn’t mind that my friend, who was 100% happy for me, was sharing her opinion with me out of care for me and, according to her, the world. We are friends after all, and we do share ourselves with friends – opinions and all. Another example is when a friend told me she was getting a job in a field she was not into or good at, I congratulated and encouraged her for trying something new then I asked her what she was going to do about what she’s passionate about, just as a gentle reminder that her talents lie elsewhere.

At the end of the day, we each must live our lives and tread our own paths that we learn from. More importantly, what makes anyone’s opinion better or more right over someone else’s opinion or decision? Nothing. You might have a bit more insight about a certain topic, person, or situation, but share it only when you’re asked for it. Don’t forget that others have their own experiences and insights that form their own opinions.